I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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