it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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