Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Couch. On fire.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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