Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
