i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
