people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
