I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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