So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
