Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
