puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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