I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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