i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
