Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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