Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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