You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
