i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
this is an emotional support booty call
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
