She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize