I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
