I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
