Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
