How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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