wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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