And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
