Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize