More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
