ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
