Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
