You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
