i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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