i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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