Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
