I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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