I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
