You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
