shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
