$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
