i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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