Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
