Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
