five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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