She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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