you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
