he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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