Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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