some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You made out with two different species that night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
