my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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