Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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