my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
