I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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