my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
