she kept yelling 'call me bella'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
