The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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