Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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