Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize