Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Let's paint friendship bongs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
