for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
