I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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