I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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