she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
