My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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