You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
