You made me cry and you don't even care
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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