Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
