Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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