So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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