I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
