We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
