I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
