She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
